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Stilla Wight'n Thername
Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
Talk to me. I'm always up for a chat. Especially if you bring some goddamned grape juice I mean fuck I really need that right now.
"I'll cross that burning bridge when I'm forced over it." Warmish, only sorta kidding...
Hello I am a 13 year old chILd. I'm shitty and stupid. And I think about shit. One of my shitty goal in life is to have a fandom and or fans of a sort, but, none of my ideas are that good, so I'll just bench that for now.
And I'm shit at shading and successfully writing articles about myself.
Also I really like stamps and THIS is me restraining myself.
Favorite visual artistEff offFavorite moviesEff offFavorite TV showsEff offFavorite bands / musical artistsEff off (Groundbreaking)Favorite booksEff offFavorite writersEff off (lol my sister, I bet she hasn't even read this yet pfft)Favorite gamesEff offFavorite gaming platformEff offTools of the TradeHuion 680s tabletytablet(forget the tablety thing...), ClipStudioPaint and sometimes FireAlpaca (GOOD JOB ON THE DESCRIPTIONS IKR??)Other InterestsWebcomics, Webnovels, Youtube, Puns, did i mention LOTS of webcomics? Puns Puns Puns seriously just tell me puns. (Yall should totally read World domination in retrospect, that is, if you arn't a child, or someone who doesn't like comedic torture :I )
I always loved The Joker and The Riddler as a kid, I don't know why But I think they were the first super-villains that I really, really liked. Geez, why do I even like super-villains, I guess they're just too cool to not like
anyways, what this comic is REALLY about is how Ton came to live with Nate. They'd known each other for about a half a year at this point, which really isn't much time. This story takes place long before the few pictures I've shown of them, so it's less of a "This is happening" thing and more of a "This happened a while ago" thing. Anyways, Besides the fact that they've only been friends for a few months, Nate is already completely fine and un-alarmed when Ton just enters his house without knocking. peace~ - I've had this sketch for at least a week, this is a comic I've taken my sweet time on. But I really enjoyed every moment of making it, which, is sweet. Because lately I've been having trouble doing... anything? Really, I had planned on coloring it and inking it in and then shading it and all that fancy shit, but, I've had it for a while and I still have yet to do so. I have this habit of making comics and then not being able to finish them, it kinda sucks. But I finished the sketch for first page of this, and I think it's pretty sweet, seeing how I think most of my comics are shit. So... tell me what'cha think, and tell me if anything is wrong with the dialog or background or just sketch in general. - Next: (WILL TON FINALLY TELL NATE ABOUT THE PREGNANCY?! FIND OUT, IN THE NEXT THRILLING INSTALLMENT) first: (ya here buddy)
So basically, this is the thing I'll be writing in and putting any random thoughts in when it's past 11:00 PM. Instead of just making random, separate, slightly concerning status updates all the time, I'll just be hanging out here with my bed full of bugs and my heart blissfully ignoring the world until it crashes down on me and I feel everyone's disappointment.
And then I just go back to ignoring the world again because fuck it.
I'll basically be updating this every night seeing as I have nothing else to do. every. single. night. while I stay awake...
until 7 AM
k, that's all the introduction I care ta' give so WHOO. I made a thing! YAY! --==========================================================================-- hmm ok well, it's 4:34 right now, I'm taking a short break from reading my fanfic 'cause reasons. I'm remembering the first time I felt crushing jealousy. It was weird 'cause I'd be lying to say I'd never felt jealous before, but, never like that. I was tearing myself up fro not being good enough and for wishing that I was like that and it was awful. Just thinking about it riles me up somewhat. What was worse was that I'd never been so fucking jealous before. This happened recently, you'd think... that I would have felt it before, I know I've only been alive for 13 years but maybe it's 'cause I have so many siblings, you just gotta learn to let things go. So... I don't really care much 'bout shit like that. Maybe I was caught in a bad mood. I dunno. It was just something I'd never usually get jealous about. Anyways, back to my reading. ----------- 5:51 AM fuck plot lines ----------- next day, 3:37 AM ok so I shitted out some shit and I feel sorta bad 'cause I'm all caught up on that really cool fanfic, and now have to wait for it to update. I can't draw the fanart I want to either, and that sucks ass. I have this 800-900 page book I wanted to read but now that I'm holding it, it feels like more of an obligation than anything else. But hey I'm not about to spend all night looking for more good fanfics, I only do that every once in a while to find a realllly good one like this latest one. Anywhos, the bugs that seem to wake up at around 7-8 PM every day are here. Their on my bed. Though I rarely see them anywhere but. It's not that unusual but I remember being really freaked out by them at first 'cause I thought they were bedbugs. Stupid me. I don't know why I'm keeping a "log" like this. If that's even what a log is. Maybe to talk to myself while I'm awake. It's the only time I'll be awake till 'round 4-6 PM. I wonder if anyone reads this. Probably fucking not 'cause that'd be a huge waste of time, unless they were like, my stalker. Ya' ain't a stalker by any chance, right? pfft who the fuck am I kidding who'd wanna stalk a shit me, I don't even go outside so unless you're just an online stalker. But I mean whatever. Whatever floats your boat. ,, well, back to listening to GMM while forcing myself to read a book I used to be really into, but now not as much, just so that I won't go looking fo,r and then, by nature, get addicted to another really good fanfic. All while avoiding the real world and any responsibilities and or relationships. yaaaaaay. ----------- 3:58 AM I hate my style. It can be cute but that's about all it can be. I fucking hate it. ----------- another day. 6:17 AM (I moved this from a status update) nnhhg. I want to get an energy drink. Or a soda. I have the money to. Should a 13 year old go outside at 6 AM? I'm really craving one. Fuck. Ok well two questions, 1) should I got buy one? 2) would anyone even be open? and 3) what should I get...
oh shit it's after 11 I should have written this in my journal ok hold on...
6:47 AM ok I got a sunkist and a 7up... it was really nice outside today... mom'll probably ask where I got these sodas from. I forgot the sodas where only 50 cents each so that's why I got two... I'll go add this to the journal as well. ----------- another day 2:05 AM ok so slenderman is weird for me. He was the reason I never fully got over my fear of the dark, I can't go in my moms bedroom 'cause of him. But I mean, I also like him. It's weird. odd. fucking doesn't make sense. I really do like the idea, the character, the story. Ifk I just like him. But he's also the reason of much so fear and paranoia when I was a little kid. And I never would'a seen him before I'd wanted to unless my brother hadn't shown me this creepy "sympathy for slenderman" song and FUCK It was even worse because I really was liking slenderman and all his weird, creepiness until that part at the end. It felt like a betrayal to my ability to judge people. creatures. things. I didn't even know what he was until years later and it's not like his image scares me or anything. But I've never been afraid of the things in the dark again. My childhood got about 50% worse after that. It sucks to think about.
oh shit did I just rant about slenderman fuck ok I'll got add this to my journal now. Ugh. ----------- another day, August 23rd, 6:10 AM oh no. just when I thought my sleep schedule was getting back on track. I guess that was just the incredibly tiring INTENSE SKULL PAIN that put me to sleep the night before because now I'm considering going out to buy another soda at 6 AM because yes soda, I am still buying. ugh I thought the reason I made the journal was to avoid weird status posts like this. Now it sorta just seems like a backup for them. ----------- 6:22 AM ok so for my mothers sake I'm not gonna go get a soda. Also I'm scared of cops and I kept hearing them all through the night so that's not going to happen. hmmmm what to sayyy... what might I want to remind myself of in the future? Oh yeah, I cut my hair. I think it's ok and some family members say it's cute so I guess I'll keep it. Just some advice even though you are future me and you're probably laughing at my stupid unknowing face. Just kidding I know you'd never do that you aren't Karkat. ----------- another day, 3:12 AM a bug flew into my eye. It was really small so for all I know bits of it are still there.
so this is what agony is. ----------- 3:13 AM I realize that I've mostly just been moving things from status updates. I guess I'm just not in much of a writing mood lately, in fact, until recently I hadn't been in much of a mood for anything other than Fanfiction and hating all irl interactions. erg. ----------- 3:30 AM I'm seriously considering going downstairs and making myself an omelet. at 3:30 in the morning. I haven't made myself an omelet in literally more than a year. wtf. ----------- 3:50 AM I did it. I made an omelet. at 3:50 AM. my younger brother and older sister where NOT AMUSED lemme tell you- hAH! THAt. Was a lot of fun. For some reason, pfft hahaha, ----------- 5:57 AM you ever just think... that maybe... just maybe... there's a slight possibility that...
no one loves you after all and they're all just lying to your face to make you happy so that they can use you for favors later on? yeah well it's that time of night. ----------- 6:23 AM anyone else just have a huge hankering for taco pizza? Man I love that shit. ----------- 8:31 AM bro just told me to get some sleep or he'd... do something... confiscate something I think? I'm not sure I can't remember. Anyways. G'night me. ----------- another day 4:10 AM why. I think.. I actually feel exhausted, around this time yesterday I would be making omelets but no... I actually feel really tired..... HOLY SHIT I MIGHT BE ABLE TO SLEEP--- ----------- another day 2:14 AM when I was younger I didn't think someone could be too humble. I thought the more the better. Obviously that's not true. But I guess it's what I wanted to be. Now weird and confusing things are happening with the way I think and my reasoning and the way I think people should treat me. I'll probably delete this. ----------- 3:09 AM I just dropped my glasses. off my bunkbed. onto the floor. the lights are off and my sister is sleeping. eh. I'll just... leave them... I guess. ----------- 5:14 AM OMG I WAS BORED SO I WAS ABOUT TO GO TO SLEEP AND THEN I CHECKED MY GMAIL AND I REALIZED-- MY OLDER SISTER SENT ME THIS LONG LIST OF VERY, VERRRY GOOD WELL WRITTEN FANFICS OH BOY AND I'M PRETTY SURE MOST OF THEM ARE GAY, OH BOY AM I NOT GOING TO BED TONIGHT- Heh, maybe I'll end up making an omelet again~ ----------- 6:01 AM ... I'm crying. This fanfic made me actually cry, and this is only the 6th chapter! whY!? WHY THO? WHY DO YOU MAKE ME FEEL THESE THINGS HNNNNG OH GAWD NNNHG THERE ARE ACTUAL TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY CHEEKS WH-WHY?! I feel sick... OK SO I'M GONNA START READING MORE NOW HAHAHHAHAAH *shoots self* ----------- 6:26 AM sometimes I wonder what my blood looks like. I haven't gotten hurt in a while, I mean, physically, heh. It's weird 'cause sometimes I just want to know what my blood looks like. Oh shit I better add this to the journal. --- anyways, it's not like I could draw my own blood. We all know THAT'D be bad. ng. So, this has no real importance. I sorta just wanted to say it... ----------- 8:13 AM it's sort of weird, how peppy I can get right before I know I'm going to crash from sleep deprivation :"D ----------- 9:26 AM Just made some marshmallows over the stove-top. y'know, it's funny, it started when we would burn our food over the lent candles.. But then we tried marshmallows, and then after lent we moved to the stove 'cause the candles were no longer being lit. It's... sort of sweet to think about. ----------- another day 4: ?? AM I draw best sleep deprived. Or at night? I don't know. usually it's fine up until an exact point in which I can't focus anymore and that's when I start messing shit up with layers or lineart or colors, and that's when I need to go to bed. Unfortunately I don't actually draw much at night, despite it being the best time for me to draw. Otherwise I'd be uploading a lot more shit. ----------- 5:34 AM uuUUUGH I JUST LOST MY TABLETS PEN AND RIGHT BEFORE I WAS GOING TO DO LINEART FUCKING FUUUUCK ----------- 5:39 AM uUAGH U HAVE TO HOLD ONTO THAT THING 24/7 OTHERWISE IT JUST FUCKING DISSAPEARS I MEAN I LITERALLY PUT IT DOWN FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES AND NOW IT'S GONE. UGhh. well. I have a pet wasp named D Tig. or Dee tig, or D.T.I.G. it stands for Dead Thing In Glass because it's a dead wasp entrapped in a slab of glass that I wear on my wrist as a bracelet. I'm pretty sure the wasp is fake, but whatever. My bro helped me name him. I really like D Tig. I keep planning on drawing him with my persona but I just keep forgetting. Whatever. ----------- 7:13 AM ok so yeah about an hour or a half an hour later I found my pen and started to draw again. I finished Dot Giffners pic, and I'm gonna go to sleep now so... yeah. Hey maybe when I wake up I'll decide to name another character Justin Case 'cause I'm a fuCKING PUNNY MORON. ----------- another day 11:06 PM I felt sick today. But I feel sick everyday so it's fine I guess. I wanna try to change something about my comic. It's sorta shit. Also, I told my sister about Dot Giffner. Just the name. A harmless pun. she said "Really?" and rolled her eyes. It fucking hurt. I don't think she understands how important it is for her to like what I make. Every time she does that it first makes me doubt myself and then goes on to make me hate her for making me feel like I need to change. Ffffffuck everything. ----------- another day 11:44 PM I remember the first fandom characters I mader were for Minecraft. There was Kimishie the Ender (I later went on to use that name for a different character of mine) Jackie the skeleton Argh the zombie Trufflet the piglet Dell the Blaze Damien/Edward the human Jasmona the elf and a few others. I can't remember them but I have the sudden urge to draw the ones I CAN remember... Update: Fell the giant tarantula, Grenade the creeper, Ixor the giant daddy-long-legged, and a whole crew of side characters like The Council and Mary, The Queen of Creeper, along with Marys sidekicks Carol and Carol. ----------- 3:17 AM when I was younger I was proud the day I counted to 100. I found that I already knew them I just never did it. It was funny though, 'cause that's when I realized 100 wasn't very much. I started to count more and more things. Windows, the amount of stripes on things. When I was bored I'd just count things until I was either lost in thought or lost in counting. I've grown out of that habit but I wish I hadn't. I got really into dot to dot books then, 'cause when we were at my siblings basket ball games I'd just take my books and do dot to dots until it was over. I really liked dot to dots, and I think it might have helped me with making straight lines, though I'm not sure. I can't remember what else I was going to say... ----------- 5:20 AM You know what. The reason it's so unbelievably easy for me to stay up this late is probably because it doesn't feel different than when I'm awake in the middle of the day. Yeah, so don't go telling me that I'm just talking about something 'cause I need sleep, even if I agree with you I fucking brought this up for a reason very little of it is really random- in fact, I'm more likely to tell you the truth or what's actually bothering me during the night, so don't go saying it's cause I need sleep. I don't feel tired. I feel wide awake. This is how I always feel, during the day I feel like this, during the night, from the point when I wake up to when I sleep I always feel the same and I fucking hate it. I feel sickly, like I have a disease and I'm waiting for it to get worse but nothing happens. I HATE IT. IT'S LIKE A PURGATORY LIKE I'M WAITING AND WAITING BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M WAITING FOR WHAT IS GOING ON WHAT GOOD THING IS GOING TO HAPPEN I DON'T get it. Nothing is happening. Every day is just as unmemorable as the rest. I can't remember what I did two days ago... I'm not speaking because I need sleep. I don't feel lightheaded and it isn't getting hard for me to think. I'm speaking because at night, all alone, I finally have something to say goddamn it. heh, well, good night, nightvale, goodnight. I guess. ----------- another day 1:57 AM I'm not stupid. It's not that I don't know the answer to your dumb ass question, you're just using that tactic where people masquerade self assured-ness with wit. I know the answer, but when you get in my face I can't think. I can't remember. I cry. My mind starts to hurt. And then when you leave I remember, I realize why what you said was wrong, why it made no sense, why your justification doesn't mean anything. Why you don't mean anything. And then I start to hate myself, because when you where here you left me crying on the ground. And I know, god, do I know, that you are no better. I could have left you crying on the ground if only I had remembered, if only I could get ride of my urge to stay quiet in the background and make no noise, and not draw attention to myself. If only I'd been different. But now this experience just makes me sink deeper into the crowd. We both know it'll be a long time till I speak up again, and when I do, I won't be ready. When I do. You'll leave me crying on the ground. ... ... ... heh, is this poetry? ----------- 3:34 AM I'm really glad I have the family I do. They've definitely made me a lot more.. accepting. And open. My mom. My dad. They're all great. My annoying, loud, mean, rude, silly, funny, ridiculous, stupid-in-a-funny-way siblings. Sometimes I hate the way I look almost sickly against them, but, I love that too. I love them all. And I love me. And I'd never say this to their faces, and I'd never say this in the daylight. But, I'm really happy I got the chance to grow up with the very accepting, loving, giving mother that I did, and the father who didn't understand American fatherhood, and the siblings who say we all hate each other as a way of gratitude. Without them, I might have turned out much, much worse. I might be stuck in my ways and never change and drive everyone away 'till I'm dead. I might've been more stubborn, might've hated people for no reasons other than I thought they were wrong. I'm... I'm really glad I'm the way I am. Even if I hate myself, I wouldn't have it any other way. ----------- 6:00 AM I eat entirely too many marshmallows. Really. I'd ask someone to stop me but no one else is awake ;"P ----------- 6:23 AM Bye for tonight, internet, I hope you understand that instead of sleeping I'll probably be reading for a bit and THEN sleeping. Cold. My mom took my blanket. To wash. She says it's a sheet and OK I'LL GIVE HER THAT I WAS A SHEET BUT COME ON MOM IT'S MY BLANKET. I NEED THAT TO FIGHT OFF THE FANS THAT ARE CONSTANTLY ON IN MY ROOM. I might have been thin, and technically a sheet, but it's not as warm as it was in middle of the summer, I just use it until it's winter, and now I'm sleeping under pillows 'cause that was the only blanket/technically a sheet that I knew for sure how dirty it was. I don't know where the other ones have been! HOW DO I KNEW THEY DIDN'T HARVEST A BUNCH OF BUGS, THEY'VE CERTAINLY BEEN ON THE FLOOR FOR LONG ENOUGH--- ok well, g'night. ----------- another day 3:13 AM so now I'm reading a very well written interesting gravity falls fic. Again. 'cause obviously I haven't read enough of that amazing beautiful awesome shit. Shit I know I had a reason to do this, I had something to say, eh? I can't fuck'n remember. Whatever. ----------- 4:33 AM so, I remember when I was much, much younger... me and most of my siblings were at a church nursery, there were these big plain wooden building blocks, not very big mind you, just larger that you'd expect. Though they probably seemed larger back then anyways... So, me and my siblings made it a collaborative effort to make a zoo. It was mostly made out of those plain, square blocks, but we had to improvise and bring in some smaller more colorful blocks for some of the smaller things. The animals were of random varieties, mostly stiff plastic models, but also some legos animals, some squishy animals, some chibi plastic sticker animals. I was so proud of us. So rarely do all of us do something like that. Together. Oh, sure, we fought over which animal went there, over where one pen should be bigger than another, but at the end of the day we still created a zoo. together. But it was a public nursery, and as much as we like that zoo, we had to get rid of it and put it all away once we left, even after a few panicy moments when mom told us to destroy it. But in the end, we destroyed it. Together. All of us. We kicked it and punched it with our tiny limbs. I honestly can't tell if destroying it was more fun or if building it was. But it was together. It was great. In my memory at least, maybe someone else remembers it as if they weren't allowed to do something, or if they were excluded. But to me I'll always remember it as something we did together. As a team. The memory is fuzzy around the edges, but... it's still here. ----------- 5:37 AM so, I've read, and read. And read. I've watched youtube videos. I've got nothing else to do. I guess I'll just... sleep now. One thing though, I keep meaning to draw, but, I can't. I have all these dumb ideas and I sort of want to FINALLY continue my comic. It's got a shitty working name, pfft, get it? Working? 'cause my dumbass comic is literally called Workers because I'm too stupid to figure out a suitable name. Anyways... I want to keep making that. And also finish/start some other pics. But I just can't. I get distracted or tired or just never start in the first place. Even extreme boredom can't make me do it, I just sleep. Because I need sleep. Ugh. And schoolwork. UGH. OH GAWD I HAVEN'T DONE MATH ALL WEEK SOMEONE FUCK'N KILL ME. Ok, well, g'night anyone who might be reading this at night. Sleep tight, and don't worry I swear those aren't bedbugs <3 ----------- 8:10 AM watched this person all night. What if Youtube Destroyed Us All? I love 'em. ----------- another day 4:35 AM
I didn't believe men had the capacity to love the same way and of the same volume as women did until late into my ten years of life.
take that as you will. If you want to know what I mean, then note me... or something... Idk I'm tired. ----------- another day 12:06 AM if anyone's ever wondered about some random huge part of my personality than this song matches it pretty much perfectly. Crybaby-Melanie Martinez yup. to the fucking word. ----------- 4:38 AM ah, and here we have the bored, 13 year old insomniac. Her eyes have tired from the constant reading of fanfics, and she is now switching between youtube videos and episodes of MLP season 6. A children's show she doesn't really give a shit about but she saw this one video of a very nice MLP fan and it made her sorta want to watch it. -- because this is what I do at night ----------- 5:23 AM HAHAHAHAHA DISCORD IS SO FUNNY. YEAH I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE PLOTLINE I'M JUST WATCHING EPISODES WHERE DISCORD PLAYS A BIG ROLE. BECAUSE HE'S THE FAVORITE AND NOW I'M WATCHING MLP AND AM ACTUALLY KIND OF ENJOYING MYSELF. *she says, her eyes only twitching a little bit * - man, I need to find my glasses soon, things a few feet away being fuzzy is fucking annoying... but I don't want to go looking for them. I hate my glasses and I wish I didn't need them. ok weLL BACK TO MLP HAHAHAHAHHA ----------- 6:45 AM ok so now that I've watched all the episodes with Discord in them, I've moved on to Mob Psycho 100, the Anime. I'm way ahead of it in the Manga but I love watching it animated, it brings me so much joy <3 ----------- 7:57 PM moving this from a status update because it's too funny to leave: Yesterday my mom told me a story of a conversations she had with my little sis, and holy hell you guys have to hear this-- so, my mom saw my little sis playing with her littlest petshops, and my little sis said. "They're a family" or something (Two mammel parents and one bird kid, I'm assuming they adopted) and mom asked about them and- ok, my little sis said. "This is the mommy and this is the momma." And my mom was like. "Who's the dad? They have a kid they have to have a dad." And my little sis, my 7 year old sister said. "Mom, they're lesbians." and my mom insisted that they had a kid so there had to be a dad but my little sis shushed her by putting a finger up to moms lips and saying "ah ah sh sh sh sh" and then she said "Mom that's racist."
I love my little sister. My mom seems to have found the whole thing very comical X"D ----------- 11:10 PM ok, so, now I'm going to start drawing. A thing I haven't been doing as much as I should be. I'll be doing it while listening to This American Life. A show my brother once called "Gay". as an insult. whatever... ----------- 5:56 AM *decided to move this from a status update, I know it was made AT LEAST A HALF an hour ago from the time I'm moving it to this journal* have you ever just seen someone's style... and instantly fallen in love with it. And you love every curve and indent and the specific way they do the eyes and the ears and the arms and the hair and the legs and the expressions I mean DAMN the expression and -- everything. And love it so much your heart starts to hurt and you want to be just like them. But you don't want to copy them. But you want their style. You want your style to be so, very, unique. But right now it just looks average, plain, to you. You want to be them, so that you can say it's uniquely yours. And then you feel bad and you can't stop fawning over every little bit of every little doodle they've made. And they say they hate their style and you just want to tell them how you want to be them but that'd be creepy. Yeah, that's only ever happened to me once or twice, but when I fall for a style I fall fuck'n hard. Summary: I hate my style and it's 3:34 AM and this is an outlet. ----------- 6: ?? AM *moved from status update* I knew way more about what an abusive relationship was before even a bit about what made a healthy relationship. This fact just dawned on me and it's unsettling. I know there's absolutely no way I'm not the only one, but I mean, how many others...? Is this more of a thing than I thought? ----------- 7:22 AM I needa' write in this more often, I keep just moving things that I wanna say to others into this... I guess I'll just move a reply I made to someshit here as well, it'll save me the trouble of having write it again somewhere else if I do that shit. *moved thing* hah... I think when I was younger I was left alone with my older bro while everyone else decided to go to a football game. My bro didn't give a shit about me, so he played on moms computer the whole time. Really, I'm just glad he was with me downstairs because I ended up watching one of those documentaries about murders. This guy had slept with this woman, chopped her up, and then killed her kids all except for a little baby who only survived 'cause a neighbor heard it crying. By the time my family got home I was about at one of the most paranoid states I can remember, I was standing near my brother and just sitting at his feet, afraid to go into another room. And then they came back with their popcorn and they were laughing and I think someone asked me what was wrong and I said something like. "It was... something on TV" I think I was shaking a bit... I mean I was a really little kid, there were graphic pictures, and blood. And I just said I was fine... one of the things that scared me the most was that this woman was married, but her husband had been away in the army or something. My moms married, but at that time my dad had been away for a while, and I was just scared. sorry for ranting this random memory onto you random unfortunate stranger, something about this all just brought it up again. so uh, sorry for writing a few paragraph long reply that has nothing to do with your thing. Shit I'm tired... I should go sleep. Again, sorry. ----------- another day, 4:40 AM So, I actually went to sleep at 9... like, I think that's when a normal person sleeps? Anyways, I woke up around 4 and now I can't sleep again. Which proves the problem isn't just that I usually refuse to sleep. I actually CAN NOT sleep... ----------- 6:28 AM *moved from status update* So... I remembered seeing a bunch of fanart for Steven Universe that I didn't understand and then I watched the newest episode and hhhHNG. IT'S SO GREAT AHHHH. On a side note my stomach is starting to feel weird and there are small waves of heat and coldness washing over me as I type this and if I'm not doing anything they get harder and harder to ignore... ----------- 6:29 AM I like writing in the third person as well as the first person. Actually wait, I like writing in second person too... Ok so basically I like to write. And it varies depending on who I'm writing the story about but I like to use all the viewpoints. I made a short story here in first person, I think... yeah. This is just here as a reminder to myself, about Day Person. I should re-read that sometime. I like it. ----------- 7:47 AM I wish I wasn't cursed with always feeling others pain. Can't they keep it to themselves? Why do they have to make me feel it too. Well. Better to be in pain with them than to be hated for feeling nothing... I guess. ----------- 7:58 AM drawing adults is too hard. I'm just gonna draw teens 'cause most adults I've seen either look like young adults or 40 year olds anyways.
that's a lie I just don't WANT TO DO IT. ----------- 8:21 AM I don't want to impress people as much as I want to not screw up. Impressing would just be a plus. All my energy would probably go to trying not to fuck up. ----------- 8:59 AM I don't have a stomach for anything, well, as long as it's real. I can't stand real blood. But TV show blood? Yeah that's fine. I don't have a stomach for anything, not even food really. ----------- 10:47 AM if you pick me up randomly then I'll probably go limp. According to my sis, that's not supposed to happen? Pfft, I don't want you holding me why on earth would I do anything other than lash about like a crazy person or go limp. Oh yeah, I'm also hella ticklish, if you try to tickle me I'll probably drop to the ground and curl in a ball... idk why I'm saying this. ----------- another day, 4:44 AM you finished the Clamel-Internet thing... but it doesn't matter. You're talking in third person for no fuck'n reason stop it that's creepy. ----------- 4:49 AM I can't take anything slow. I suck at being subtle enough, but not too subtle. I suck at getting my point across. I wish I could just fade into a crowd with some close friends. ----------- 4:25 PM ... so anyways, Sometimes I remember feeling bad about being afraid of dogs when I was younger. I once got trampled by one but that was completely my fault. People would always have to take their dogs somewhere else and I hated it because other kids would look at me awkwardly or like they were blaming me because they didn't get to play with the dog anymore. The awkward look was probably because of the way they objected to the dog being taken away and then they'd look back at me like "Oh. Hi..." and it'd probably dawn on them that if I weren't here the dog would be and then that was a bit awkward. ----------- 5:52 AM I like writing. I like to write when I can't find a way to express myself through art. It makes me feel better to get my words across with just words. ----------- 6:23 AM I really, really wish I had some grape juice right now. Or at least some microwave spiced cider or whatever the fuck it's called... ----------- another day 4:47 AM ... so a car just pulled up to my neighbors house, odd, 'cause I think the one they went into was for my old lady neighbor, she's like, 80. So unless they went into a different house wtf were they doing there? ----------- 6:18 AM ok so... I'm about to go to bed. But not before getting this thought outta my head first. I think I'm obsessing over numbers now. And this place is still for fun, don't worry, but I mean... It's kinda hard not to obsess over the numbers when they're the only thing that changes. Ok, what I mean is, imagine me, sitting here for hours reading and watching Youtube and reading and maybe writing a little bit. And in case you hadn't noticed, I'm kinda already obsessed with this site (my obsessions been steadily growing). So I keep just checking in every at least AT LEAST half an hour/fifteen minutes. And when you do that not much changes, and seems to make time move slower, except the numbers. So I'm not trying to be vain here when I say I pay a lot of attention to the numbers. 'Cause all these nights up have sorta given me an itch for it, and an odd feeling of satisfaction every time I see a number of mine by even one. Which makes not so important things (in others eyes) seem a little bit more important to me, but more on that later.. G'night~ ----------- another day 2:54 Am wassup my homesicles, I'm gonna watch Mulan for like, the first time. I know I've watched it before but I can't remember it for shit. So, yeah.
why do youtube videos always eventually lead me to watching frick'n Disney classics? ----------- 4:12 AM MULAN DOE. So it was great and wonderful and I mean c'mon what did I expect it's a frick'n Disney movie honestly I shoulda watched a long time ago so I could have nostalgia about it right now but NAW. I DIDN'T SEE IT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. ah, well, that movie made me feel really, really nice. hmm. I wish I had someone to walk with. A friend I could just call up and be like "Hey, I'm going to a store wanna walk with me?" and then we could walk together. I've been listening to too many Luna stories. It's making me want more people to hang out with. Ugh now I'm back to being n my normal grumpiness instead of hyped 'cause of Mulan. 'Guess I'll probably watch more disney today... night... whatever. ----------- 4:18 AM so... I remember this story, about that Disney movie, thing, whatever, called "Fantasia". I remember it being really trippy when I was a younger kid, and a lot of the things scared me and bewildered me. For some reason I can't remember we were all in my moms room, watching it on the small TV over and over and over again. Ok, well, at least three times. I think the reason we were all in one place and all sitting in moms room, on the floors and bed and shit, was because mom was either pregnant or working or both. I think it was both. And nowadays we spend almost all day alone, but back then we almost always had babysitters, or just someone to watch over us. I remember we would talk a lot and we would also get mad that we were talking through the movie. I say we as in the whole group of us kids. So, anyways, at some point mom came into the room and a few of us snuggled up to her and we finished watching the movie again. If I'm correct, I DID snuggle up to her, but soon lost my place next to her. I think someone else took it, but I didn't want to seem like a brat or cause a scene in the middle of the movie so I just sat near the tv and tried to forget about it. Well, I was feeling something at least. I just remember emotions. I can't remember exactly what, so this is all basically just a theory. ----------- 4:36 AM shit I think I'm about to re-watch Mary Poppins. uuUUUGH YOUTUBE WHY. ----------- 6:23 AM nah, I just watched Wall-E instead. It was great. As is expected. Geez I'm tired, I'mma go to bed now. 'Night. ----------- another day, 12:14 AM I just wondered how all the Huxes and Kylos from different AUs would react to each other. From the Mob boss Huxes, to the School Boy Huxes, to SoulMate Huxes, to the Vampire Kylos, to the victim Kylos, to the Enforcer Kylos. I just have to imagine all the different and amazing character, and still, somehow characteristically things those characters would PROBABLY do in those worlds. And how if they all met each other they'd probably be like "Wtf happened with you guys?" I've read two Mob Boss AUs and both are completely different. Even the same type of AU is completely different. I LOVE IT X") I'm just saying this because it came to me while reading another weird AU, that is surprisingly well executed. Fanfiction writers never cease to amaze me~ ----------- 2:33 AM to the werewolf Kylos, to the Emperor Huxes, to the Pirate Bill Ciphers archiveofourown.org/works/4281… to the Reverse Bill Cipher/ Will Cipher, to the Reverse Dipper Pines, btw feel free to ask about any of these fics, they're real and most of them are great ----------- 3:11 AM Rewatching Ryan Higas Coffee Shop Love. dat nostalgia doe ----------- another day 5:38 AM so I've been looking at dog breeds and stuff about adoption centers because I'm try'n to choose what type of dog a character of mine should have. and there's this dog adoption website and holy SHIT there are like, 6,815 terriers, 17,403 pit bull terriers, 15,410 labrador retrievers, 12,106 chihuahuas, and those are just the one's over 10,000 and wow suddenly I feel really bad. Fffrriiick and that's just this site and I feel baaaaaadd. I mean those are probably just small numbers but then I keep remembering seeing these pictures of puppy mills and BLFDSXDDZ shit I needa sleep. ----------- 12:02 AM I'm not delicate you bitch. I'm fucking sickly. ----------- 4:27 AM maybe the reason I made anons and therefore my personas eyes covered is because of my secret dislike that later on turned to open hate of my glasses. And now, because I've made it a very personal things to show eyes, I don't have to worry about ever drawing my glasses. And now I'll never have to wear them. .. or maybe I just thought it'd be cool and now I'm over analyzing it. ----------- another day, 6:39 AM I remember for as long as I can, knowing that nobody was perfect. But thinking everyone else was better than me. Now, don't get me wrong, I understood that there were murderers and that I was definitely not the worst person ever. Which, I think just confused me even more, as if murderers weren't human- which, they are... So, I think I might've created these categories of people. And basically told myself I was the worst in my specified category, obviously some drug dealers are nicer than others. Maybe. I don't know any drug dealers though so... that was a bad example. basically, I convinced myself that comparing myself to someone who committed major crimes/sins was stupid because then I'd look like a saint and I was a bad person. Definitely not a saint. So, there were the people who I'd never be as good as no matter how hard I tried, and the people who I thought I could sink to their level if I let myself go. And I was changing, being more patient and serving and happy to just be there for you. Well, I'm sure I've written about this somewhere here but that got ruined about a few months to a year after it got started. And then this happened I guess. he totally wrecked my plans. Years and it had to happen when I was trying... And now I've sunk even lower in my group and have considered just jumping down to something worse, just because I can't bare to try and climb anymore. because climbing is so hard. especially when someone is probably waiting at the top to knock you down again. ----------- another day, 5:19 AM if you hear yelling but you're not in the room, don't go towards it. Wait until it stops or you're called in. If you're in the room but you have a chance to leave when you feel things heating up, leave. If the situation is inescapable then make yourself small, look at the ground. You can look at the others but don't let the shouting ones catch you staring at them or looking at their eyes, that might not end well. Don't speak up, the others do enough of that for you, though you wish they wouldn't say anything at all. If someone calls your name be as quiet and agreeing as possible. You don't want to provoke them, your opinion won't matter when they're hurling insults anyways. If the fights already started then don't ask for it to stop, don't try to stop it. You're weak and will just get hurt and then it'll be your fault if you have to get taken to the hospital late at night, not that that's ever happened. We've never been hurt that badly. You've never been hurt at all. You like to think it's because they pity you. Maybe because your techniques work. No, they definitely work. That's not at question here, maybe it's why they work? Once again, you theorize it's pity. Maybe they really can't see you when they're screaming. Then again, they've picked others out before, when they seem to be only focused on themselves, they'd point to someone and say "Right?!" or "You were there- you SAW it, right?!" try to avoid these situations. Or just stutter and look distressed (not that you'll have to fake it) until they give up on you in exasperation and just go back to fighting. Sometimes though, on rare occasions, they don't give up, and the longer you stutter the more pissed off they get. Until you burst into tears. You had more to say on this subject but you've already forgotten... Damn, I hate late night realizations, then again, where would I be without them. ----------- another day, 6:29 AM oml ok so I know this is like, a year old, but I can't stop listening to it now- someone save me-
----------- another day, 6:15 fuck it, this is just your luck. You've been thinking about it all day and hyping it up all night. Finally, FUCKING finally you got the nerve, you were excited, you haven't been excited like this in a while. You started to walk downstairs, feeling a smile creep onto your face. It wasn't a momentary smile, like the fleeting ones you give to the jokes they tell you. It was an honest to God happy smile. Because you were excited. Because you thought... but no, he's awake, why is he awake at 6 AM? Turns out he just woke up, it's almost like the universe doesn't want you to do it, well, the universe wouldn't be the only one. He's asks what you're doing, and it's obvious you were heading for the kitchen, so you tell him you were just going to get a snack. That's not unusual, you do it all the time at night. You are really pissed. After some brief research you'd found out you didn't even need a K. You could be innovative, you knew the right places too, well, some of them, so you wouldn't get hurt. But no. You'll have to wait another day. You ran back upstairs, more than a little disappointment, in a last a attempt you went to the kids bathroom, but there's nothing close to what you need. You scratch at your arms with your fingernails a bit, but it doesn't do much. You go back to your room, thoroughly crushed, and began writing this. You suppose you shouldn't tell them that you're arguing with yourself, but at this point who gives a fuck. ----------- 7:21 AM fuck, why'd I write that? That's sounds so fucking incriminating ugh, well, I'm not getting rid of it I guess... it's pretty cool, not my worst work.. I swear, if anyone actually paid attention to this they'd automatically like me, like, at least 10% less than they already do. -----------
So I don't know what this is, because it's not really a vent, despite how it looks. But I've been meaning to do something with those lyrics because every time they come up in the song I can't help but sing them. They really stick with me. www.youtube.com/watch?v=TP4gcF…
MissMithiin FUCK'N TAGGED ME AT 5:59 AM Well then in the spirit of games of tag that include people who aren't my siblings, I shall tag- Biogs and if he doesn't want me to and is glaring at the screen right now I tag deegdumdoodilly and if he doesn't want it than too fuck'n bad I'm not choosing again--
Rules or someshit: ~You can change pretty much anything you want to once you've bought 'em. Develop the hell outta them ~You can resell I guess, just not for more than you bought it for. ~You can trade or re-gift or whatever once you've bought it. ~Credit me/tag me the first time you draw one of them or something, I wanna see that. ~Don't send points until I accept, please.
I was bored again. each sells for like, 20-30 points, I have no idea and I'm too tired to be specific about the price. Goodnight, I'm gonna go sleep for like, 4 hours. For some reason I have a love for normal looking adopts, which are harder to find than I'd thought. My standard is basically, if it looks like someone I could see at a coffee shop then they're usually cool. - pfft, the fuck am I saying, ok, bye.
I remembered desperately wanting to make a troll account. It was so enticing to imagine actually being able to hurt someone, y'know, 'cause I'm a huge wimp and a total pushover. The scheme of hurting my friends and then being there to comfort them was a really, really interesting sounding story. It would have been, well, interesting to do it. I hate seeing people in pain, I don't know why but I can almost feel their suffering when I look at them. I'd feel bad immediately, maybe even before I'd do it. But for some reason it's still so, huh, interesting. I know this makes me sound like an awful person, but it's just one of those things you'd think but never do. Anyways, that's tonight's 4 AM dribble. And sort of the story behind this picture but I mean, I don't really know.